3 Weeks Later…
Why I took a 9-month break…
Unfortunately, I panicked.
Last week, I touched on the deep-rooted self-critical mindset that I often succumb to. (You can catch up on last week’s blog here)
This mindset often pairs itself with self-doubt, high expectations and unnecessary pressure that comes from no one else but myself.
In April last year, I ended up taking 9 months away from the Mastery Program.
I convinced myself that I did this because I was running out of money (I only had enough savings to cover 12 weeks of my rent).
But the real reason became apparent when I found myself accepting more work and responsibility at my part-time job.
Part-time became full-time, and general employee became Manager.
See, my personality will never let me do something half-arsed. I will always dedicate myself fully and I do not allow standards to slip.
So naturally, my attention to detail, organisation skills and high expectations made me a great candidate.
But these standards were not applying to myself and my pursuit of my art career…
Why, you ask?
Because I didn’t believe in myself.
I needed to feel wanted. To be needed. To feel valued and the only way I could see that at the time was to earn that perceived value through work.
Boy, was I wrong, and as typical to this pattern of behaviour I often fell into, 6 months in I realised what I was doing.
Again.
I wasn’t putting myself first, I was half-arsing my art career, shielding behind the excuse of ‘I can’t afford it’, ‘I need to work, my Art must wait’.
I was still selling prints, doing some Pet Portraits, made some pretty cool flyers and business cards… But I was a fraud.
(Graphic Design degree coming in handy 😆)
I was doing the bare minimum. And I wasn’t keeping the promise I made to myself.
But then, one day after what soon became my ‘monthly emotional breakdown’, something clicked.
This is the whole reason I quit my corporate job in the first place!
I wasn’t pursuing what I was truly passionate about. I was letting myself down and losing sight of the truth again. I was letting self-doubt and lack of confidence take over again.
A few weeks later I started fresh.
I dedicated the space and time in my schedule to focus on getting back on track with my true heart’s desire - completing the Milan Art Institutes Mastery Program.
I became a hermit, and cancelled any social life I had - my kind and loving friends understood and encouraged me to focus on what was most important for me to be doing at the time.
I dropped my working days to 4 days a week instead of 5, and then threw myself into week 3 of the program.
12 weeks later, after finishing the oil and drawing part of the course, I could finally see that body of work that I never expected that I would be capable of creating.
I spoke to my boss, we came to the decision that stepping down as Manager was a great idea for me and he was so supportive.
I don’t want to spoil things just yet, but clearly, if you are here, you know that I never gave up…
4 days have now become 2, and now I am steadily working through the Mastery Program at a speed that suits me, 5 days a week.
So, without jumping ahead too much, next Monday I will get back to week 3 of the Mastery Program.
I just wanted to take today to share this with you, to be truly authentic because that’s what this is about, right?
Thank you for reading, and for those of you who have been around from the start, thank you for believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself 🧡
Week 2’s creation seems relevant again this week 🌷
‘As the sun kisses the horizon, it ignites a fervent fire within, casting silhouettes long and proud. We too, can bloom brilliantly in the face of adversity.’
Did you know you can now pre-order your Lauren Hawkins Throw Blankets? Perfect for gifting this cosy season 🥰
But hurry ‼️ Limited time left to have in time for Christmas!
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